About social life.

[Gunner]

I just figured out that I don't really like social life. And I'm dealing a serious trouble with this. I'm really afraid that this trait is abnormal and should be turned over to the right. I am one of those people who carry books inside their suitcase everywhere they go, including gadgets, and everything. Once I got into them, I am truly concentrating 100% to my own world, and ignoring all my surroundings. Probably one of the reasons I don't like socializing is that I am really bad dealing with arguments and to be in a conversation.

You guys got any tips to be good in social life?
I hope I could leave this bad habit even I'm thinking that I couldn't, sometimes I believe that I carry this kind of characteristic since I was a kid. My parents say I had a lot of self confidence trouble when they put me on the kindergarten. I am also one of those people who need to have a descent amount of freedom and privacy in my life. But if it's really that needed, I'll try my best to change.

I know that it needs to be trained, but always, back to that point again, I don't feel comfortable when doing it and it feels like wasting my time.. when I could just sit there and enjoy my own activities..

[vitinho444]

I feel just the same. When I'm with somebody just for the sake of being there, I'm always thinking "i sure could use this time to work on my projects..."

My answer would be what I'm doing right now, taking things slowly, but started.
In example, I got into college this year (September) and i was very nervous about my social life since you know.. the "American Pie" cliché. But it worked alright, and i went to (my first) college party, with tons of people and my friends, and i kinda liked it.

So that would be my answer, get things started, but go slowly, attend to a few parties, to a few hang outs with friends at coffee and they will start inviting you more (if they like you i guess) and you will succeed

[hallsofvallhalla]

Social life is for the birds man. I went through years of being the life of the party. I had a new girlfriend every week, had more friends than the most interesting man in the world, and was just "that guy".

Now I have no friends, hate dealing with people, and love the solitude other than my own family. I enjoy the silence, enjoy my own thoughts vs others. I love to argue with myself and always win. No one judges my decisions as I believe in no regrets.

Embrace yourself and stop allowing people to tell you something is wrong. You are who you are for a reason and only society believes in society rules. Nearly all of the greatest innovators in history had problems with society and were loners.

[vitinho444]

Wow halls, thanks for sharing

I think i consider myself a lone-wolf too... but when i start thinking if working with others as a team, for the same goal is somehow better i lose it.. I like to make things alone because i know my own limitations and i won't ask too much about me.
But to get your family you needed to socialize with a female right? So.. Yeah.

[Chris]

The more you worry, the more you think of bad stuff, which leads to worse stuff happening. I used to have trouble with being social, I grew up in a very small community and moved to a city in a country speaking a foreign language. It took quite some time to get used to. It's generally about the people you hang out with. One thing you should remember, your image is not who you are socially.

The only way to learn to be social really, is to open your mouth when around other people. Just consider other people feelings and you'll be fine.

[Jackolantern]

I used to be a terrible drug addict, and one of the odd side-effects of that is that you have to be a social butterfly. If I was charming (which I think I can be), it made people like me and be more willing to do favors for me. I also had to keep a heavy Rolodex of numbers I could call and who would remember me.

When I quit doing all that, I immediately retired from being social. Like, the next day. I just went to my room and spent every free moment playing old N64 games. I quit calling people back, and my list of friends immediately shrank by probably 90%. It has stayed about that size every since. I spend most of my time by myself or with my wife, and that is the way I like it.

Don't get caught up thinking "I should be social". Do it if the want to. It is only a problem if you want to be more social but can't make it happen. I think almost everyone involved in programming or other heavy tech interests is a bit introverted. Almost everyone in the Computer Science department at my school is.

[Gunner]

Very nice to hear from many different sources here.
I am just that guy who has a great great great problem with the self-confidence. Everytime it comes to my turn to do some public-speaking, I'm always shivering, getting trapped to some point and talks really bad. I had a lot - I repeat, a lot of experiences in screwing down public-dramas when I was in a lot of school talent shows, I believe. Any drama/pub speaking/band group that has me as one of their team members is just 90% guaranteed to fail.

My teachers understand me really well, but some of them don't. They know me hatin pub speakings really much, so I ended up getting given more chances to do pubs My nerves and heartbeats are accelerating really damn fast when I face a lot of people at once.

Being shy is also one of my reasons to hate social life.

[vitinho444]

This thread is going very well, lots of experiences shared here.

I've already told mine, but i keep feeling that you can't be social if you don't share the same "interests" with the "others".
I can't have a nice conversation with a girl that never played a game, or doesn't even know how to turn on a computer..

[hallsofvallhalla]

I was very i mean VERY shy when in school. That usually goes away as you get older. I sometimes speak in front of several hundred people and I still get racked nerves but for the most part just do it. That is the number one thing. No regrets, if you screw it up then who cares.

If you are in High School then let me say none of that matters at all! While in school you think the whole world revolves around society, clicks, social groups in school, ect.. but the truth of the matter is once you graduate it all goes away. None of that matters and never will again. If I could go back I would be such a crazy idiot. I would beat the crap out of some bullies, make fun of some mean teachers, and turn the whole popularity scene on its head

[Xaos]

I was very i mean VERY shy when in school. That usually goes away as you get older. I sometimes speak in front of several hundred people and I still get racked nerves but for the most part just do it. That is the number one thing. No regrets, if you screw it up then who cares.

If you are in High School then let me say none of that matters at all! While in school you think the whole world revolves around society, clicks, social groups in school, ect.. but the truth of the matter is once you graduate it all goes away. None of that matters and never will again. If I could go back I would be such a crazy idiot. I would beat the crap out of some bullies, make fun of some mean teachers, and turn the whole popularity scene on its head

That's almost what I do I don't much care, at all really, about what people think of me. So, this leads to a good social life as I can just be myself and say and do whatever and not care, and people like me because I'm natural funny. And because I don't much care, I do whatever. For example, the AP US History teacher no one likes,n ot even the other faculty members. Literally no one knows why he still work there and the only reason he can't be fired is because he's part of a teacher's union, more or less (right-to-work here in Georgia, but there's workarounds, like the one he's in). He is also the most biased person I've ever met, and he admitted it. So I messed with him every day in class, just said stuff to get under his skin. For example, we did a debate on who is the worst president ever and we had four choices and did a draft. Knowing how much he loved democrats, I chose one of my worst presidents to be Clinton and even got pretty far in the tournament (I did win, by the way, by meeting two of my presidents in the final round, so winning by default) and he "fact-checked" me the whole way on him, even though he never fact checked anyone else, it was so hilarious. I did other stuff like that too, even if I lied just to get make him mad. Guess the point here is just be yourself and don't care what people think about you, and your life will be so much better.